Edmund Vance Cooke, The Spirit of the Gift

Generosity, of course, takes on subtle layers beyond the financial value of a gift. I think that most of us would truly like to give gifts that register far more than their inherent monetary value. Isn't that really the whole point of a gift, to show a person something? to communicate in a special way? 

A gift is a type of message - an unspoken language, really.  It can be symbolic in many ways:  cost, appropriateness, maybe a surprising hit upon someone's secret desire (you noticed!), all can indicate the valuing of the recipient. 

In a way, one of the messages of a gift is "here is where you and I intersect". In the receiver's mind, the giver is associated with the gift; and the thought that goes into a gift shows the recipient how the giver perceives him/her and their relationship. It's important, therefore, to give thought to the reception of the gift - to select a present such that both the giver and the receiver are in accord in construing the meaning behind it.  

Care must be taken that those given to aren't burdened by the idea that they must reciprocate "in kind".  Indebtedness is not an attractive feeling; and that certainly isn't what my idea of gift-giving is about!  (Not only would the choice of gift come into play here - or even whether there should be a gift at all - but the presentation of the gift might defuse this... Perhaps a sort of charming nonchalance about it, or an explanation of how the taking of the gift will help the giver out in some way - or that it's part of a chain of giving, to be passed on! - would "neutralize" qualms? ...Possibilities to be assessed beforehand.)

Oh yes, there can be snags to giving gifts!

Beware especially of the motive of "self-definition by gift":  too expensive, or too lavish; where such a display in the life of the receiver (even if not excessive to you) would be "an embarrassment of riches"; or giving a child what we wish we would have gotten as a child, even though this child has different interests entirely... In other words, imposing our needs or identity on another person. (You don't have to give something you don't like... Successful compromise might be made - e.g., a fashion design course to a teenage granddaughter who sews her own clothes in "awful" neon colors, or a gift certificate to a fabric store that allows her to pick out something entirely to her taste - and the thought that goes into it will become part of the message of the gift:  "I've paid attention to you; this is an offering that I've considered and that contains something of myself as well as something of you".)

Then there's the possible trap of "persuasion by gift":  giving to get, giving with the hope of benefiting directly from the gift (e.g., giving the wife a new car you've been hankering for, or a bread maker so she'll make you fresh bread). ...Or "appeasement-by-gift":  giving to assuage the conscience - worse, to justify unsatisfactory actions.

But these probably aren't issues related to you! You're likely someone whose delight in giving goes beyond any expectation of reciprocity (the return to you being the appreciation of the recipient; this is giving from the heart).

So assuming we're bypassing those pitfalls of gauche gift-giving, how can we select a special gift?

A good basic rule would be to imagine the joy the gift will bring. (Surely that's what we would want most in a gift - joy!)

Yet it can be hard to come up with ideas for great, communicative gifts - presents that will express something about ourselves and our relationship to, feelings about the receiver.

We have to pinpoint what we wish to say with a gift - what we want the "spirit" of the gift to be. 

There are many ways to proceed... One gift, for instance, can express multiple things - or several presents can add up to a single meaning. Yeah, it gets fun! That's the really cool thing:  you give gifts, you get the gift of the enjoyments of gift selection and giving.

So next we'll look at all sorts of aspects of the gifts themselves:  how to choose them, how to present them, ideas for many possibilities for expression (even some ideas on how to open the ones we receive)...