As you know from the introductory pages of this website, a meaningful holiday season to me includes lending meaning to any gift-giving that’s done. I can’t help but feel that a gift picked up just because you think you have to give something is a sad affair... and hardly likely to give much more to the recipient than a recognition of your thought that you owe her something. ...How sad when a gift conveys no more than that! (Well, that and your lack of imagination?)

I think ruefully of that old gag where the husband offhandedly sends his secretary out to pick up a gift for his wife and his mistress at the same time, and they each get the gift designed for the other (or worse, the same boring, thoughtless thing)... Not only embarrassing, but - well, pathetic as all get out.

There’s always the commercialization of the holidays to irk - if not provide a "bah-humbug" rationale for not wanting to even go out. It always shocks me a bit... and I can’t help but shake my head over what looks like a great deal of waste.

But then - strange as it may be - many businesses actually need holiday sales to survive for the other times we want them to be around. One way of looking at it, I suppose, is:  What better way to boost the economy than to buy a gift for a friend?

Still, I know that "Christmas shopping" is a dreaded chore to many people (especially men, for some reason I have yet to discover - or maybe I’m unconsciously keeping this knowledge from myself!). Perhaps I’m not addressing many men with this writing in any case... But I do know women who also find gift decision-making to be such a problem that the anxiety associated with this aspect of the Christmas holiday season really gets in the way of their enjoyment of it.

It seems to be too simple to suggest shopping all year... Though whenever I see something that fits just right with someone I want to give a token to, I pick it up (or make a note of what I could make for someone along those lines). I say that this is too simple, because I have suggested that "technique" to a number of people who have told me they hate Christmas shopping - and it definitely isn’t enough to destroy their anxiety! There’s certainly more to it than procrastination... dread-producing procrastination happens for a reason. (Some people like last-minute Christmas shopping - as a fun challenge!)

I think the dread is related to not having an articulated idea of what they want to convey with their gifts. A token... of what?
 

"The gifts we treasure most over the years are often small and simple.  In easy times and in tough times, what seems to matter most is the way we show those nearest us that we've been listening to their needs, to their joys, and to their challenges."

Of course, the meaning you want to invest in a gift may very well depend on what sort of relationship you have with the "giftee" - or on precisely who the person is. Different gifts may imply different levels of intimacy. (And if you wish to give a gift to someone from another culture, it would be a good idea to delve a little into some connotations gifts with certain characteristics could have for them, even if not for you. Here are a couple of webpages that will give you some idea of what to be sensitive about: http://www.netique.com/giftsearch/international.html and http://workabroad.monster.com/articles/giftgiving/.)

Then, different people may have different tastes, or different needs - and you feel differently about different people. (And sometimes you want a person to know how you feel about him, whereas sometimes you don’t!)

But surely most people have it in mind that they’d like to be able to express something with their gifts... something more than "I gifted you"!

What you might want to communicate could take some thought - we aren’t always conscious of our own desires, nor of other people’s individualizing qualities. (Could there be a bottom line to keep in mind? - perhaps showing love and appreciation of something, from one "child of God" to another, even if you don't really like the person?) When you know someone even only fairly well, a little thought is all it takes to move into the realm of gift-giving "finesse".

If you really aren’t sure how to get to this point, maybe I can help...